rasmr saw alon at an event. said he was "the most majestic looking man" he's ever seen. got CHILLS from EYE CONTACT. 从眼神接触中打冷颤.
said alon looks like "FaZe Lacy with double jaw surgery, a hair transplant, on peptides." that's not a financial thesis. that's a grindr bio. 那不是金融论文那是约会简介.
"i saw the glimmer in his eyes. i saw how much he deeply cares." bro is writing POETRY about a CEO. 他在写关于CEO的诗歌.
his investment thesis is that alon is pretty. he's bullish because a man glimmered at him. 他看好因为一个男人对他闪闪发光.
rasmr is gay. 这不是侮辱这是诊断.
RASMR BODY PROPORTION ANALYSIS
O ← normal sized head
/|\ ← short torso (compressed)
| ← WHERE IS THE REST OF IT
/ \ ← LEGS START HERE
/ \
| | ← legs keep going
| |
| | ← STILL GOING
| |
| | ← HOW ARE THEY THIS LONG
| |
| | ← THEY WON'T STOP
| |
_ _ ← finally. feet.
TORSO: 2 INCHES | LEGS: 47 FEET
RATIO: MEDICALLY IMPOSSIBLE
he's built like a compass. 他的身材像圆规. two long lines and a tiny point at the top. 两条长线顶上一个小点.
SUBJECT: @rasmr
THREAT: gay + long legs + short torso + hat crimes + pingle touching
RECOMMENDATION: containment in PingleVAULT™
the PingleVAULT™ is where we put people who tried to touch pingle and also have suspicious body proportions. 我们把试图触摸pingle且身体比例可疑的人放在PingleVAULT™里. it's a room with no hats and no alon. rasmr would die in there. 没有帽子也没有alon. which is the point. 这就是重点.
STATUS: PENDING APPROVAL FROM PINGLE-GUARD
| gay: | ✓ MAXED |
| pingle toucher: | ATTEMPTED (blocked by PINGLE-GUARD) |
| hat criminal: | ✓ CONFIRMED |
| investment thesis: | "he's pretty" ✓ |
| torso length: | INSUFFICIENT |
| leg length: | EXCESSIVE |
| body ratio: | compass 圆规 |
| threat level: | LOW (distracted when alon nearby) |
| PingleVAULT™: | RECOMMENDED |